SPEAKING POSITIVITY INTO ME, MY MARRIAGE AND MOTHERHOOD
One thing I’m most proud of that people say about me is I’m passionate. But ironically, it’s also something that I am least proud of.
I AM passionate to each extreme which means when I’m excited or happy about something, I go all in and spread that joy to others but that also means when I’m unhappy or mad, I can be depressing and mean. I’m sad to say that I have used my words to cut myself and others deep when I’m in a negative state. And although I can also use my words to lift others higher it doesn’t take away or negate the times I’m hurtful.
Today, we won’t go into the negative but rather explain to you the power of how speaking positive words to myself, my husband and my kids has changed our lives for the better. It strengthened my marriage and helped my children’s behavior change dramatically.
Words have great power to lift you up or tear you down. For example, if my husband is being lazy and I tell him how lazy he is and nag him about doing more and complaining constantly – you can guarantee that is going to weigh heavily on our marriage and produce negative effects even if it’s true simply because no one likes being demeaned like that. But when I simply focus on the positive or the good things he is or does and point those out over the laziness, my husband begins to feel appreciated and respected and will use that positivity as momentum to be less lazy without me asking or demanding. It’s true. Don’t doubt it. I’ve used this in my marriage and in my work setting – it’s like magic!
So now let me explain how I use this to change my kids behavior for the better….
I have three boys – ages 6, 4, and 2. I also have a 4.5 month old but she’s not part of this story (yet). My kids behavior had gotten to a point where they were running the show, they were rude, impatient, loud, obnoxious and down right no fun to be around. I had spent far too many a night crying and praying for them to be better. As a Christian, I one day felt led to approach my dismay differently – I decided to stop just blaming them for it all and looked to find what the root of the cause was. And my finger was pointing at me.
Yup, it was hard to acknowledge that my lack of patience and tolerance with them, my yelling, and my sarcastic bothered tone had a lot (if not all) to do with their inappropriate behavior. Holy gut check! I could make every excuse in the world to justify my behavior – I’m tired, I have so much responsibility and I do it alone most of the time. OR… I could accept the fact that there were no excuse that would or should justify the fact that I had made my kids feel like a burden rather than the gift they are. Again, with the 1-2 punch. And the tears flowed….
So when one did something I didn’t like, instead of screaming, spanking, telling them what a bad boy there were, how sick of their behavior I was or sending them to their room – I started talking with them, explaining what I didn’t like, how they could or should have responded differently, telling them that I know we can do better next time and then moved on. That was it. I also started randomly during good times telling them things like, how proud I am of them, how they make good choices, how they have the power to control how their day goes – good or bad and that they were made special by God and for a purpose, etc…
We also started speaking positive affirmations each morning and night together. Things like – I am kind, I am special, I give and receive love, I listen to my parents, I am meant to do great things… And yes, at first it felt silly for me and them but in time we have come to enjoy the time we spend together doing them and feel the power they give us to control our emotions and days that we don’t want to miss saying them. My kids will even often ask to lead them now, “can I do them today mommy?”
The tantrums and freak outs began to slow and are very rare now. They still happen at times because they are human and we all have our moments but even still, they are much less dramatic and move past it quicker.
I urge you to remember, words matter and that you have the power to make things better or worse. The choice is yours. I hope this blog post will help you to choose to be more intentional, purposeful and positive with your words to yourself, in your marriage, to your kids and the world.
And remember that this is a habit that isn’t easy to grow, it will take time and consistent effort but if you cultivate the good, you will see and feel the power of positivity bloom for all.
Be sure to join us in the Mom Besties FB group for more motivation, inspiration and encouragement inside a support focused sisterhood where we laugh, cry, celebrate, stumble and rise together on our journey to living our best life.
I’m rooting for you mamas, we’re in this together!
P.S. Here is a list of affirmations you may find helpful to start you on this journey to speaking positivity:
Positive affirmations to speak to your kids:
- I’m proud of you.
- I love being your mom.
- You can say yes.
- You can say no.
- That was a good choice you made.
- I’m listening.
- I love you.
- I trust you.
- Your words mean a lot to me.
- You were born with a purpose.
- You are going to do great things in your life.
- I understand.
- You are special.
- Not everyone will like you and that’s ok.
- You were made for a great purpose.
- You don’t have to be perfect to be great.
- I love how creative you are.
- I think that’s a great idea.
- You are such a good friend.
- You are so creative.
- You will do great things.
Affirmations for your kids to speak:
- I listen to my parents.
- I am meant to spread kindness.
- I give love and receive love.
- I am in control of my emotions.
- I have the power to make my life exactly what I want.
- I will use my words and not my hands to express my frustration.
- I will give more than I take.
- I will always show respect.
- I am patient and understanding.
- I choose positivity over negativity.
- I am brave.
- I am honest.
- I have special gifts to share with the world.
- I help others.
- My words have power.
- Today is a great day.
- I love myself.