TONY, TONY, TONY… MY OTHER MAN
I felt like a spectator on the sidelines watching my life pass me by.
It’s been three weeks since I went with MY man, Chris to see THE man, Tony Robbins at his ‘Unleash the Power Within’ (UPW) event in San Jose, Ca. As a certified life coach myself, I’ll be honest, I knew I’d love the experience but I wasn’t sure that event could live up to all the hype. I was beyond wrong. It was exactly what I didn’t even know I needed.
This post isn’t going to tell you what we did while we were there as much as try to capture the euphoria my husband and I both felt from the life altering experience then and still now.
This is going to be a long one but I promise you, it’s worth the read. If you’ve ever doubted yourself, struggled in your marriage or career or let fear hold you back, go grab a cup of coffee and enjoy the read. Take your time and feel the emotion in my words. Don’t be skeptical. Just be accepting and believe that the life change I am about to share is possible for you too. That’s how the path to an abundant life begins, belief and desire.
Let me first start by sharing that my husband and I are two very different people. I’m a jalapeno, he’s a bell pepper. I’m magenta, he’s brown. I’m Pink (the singer), he’s Jim Croce. You get the analogy, right? He’s also the jelly to my peanut butter. (Yes, I’m the peanut butter because I have a minor addiction to it plus I’m type A, so I like things my way.) Problem is, he’s deep down a type A too which has caused us some friction. And after a while, our peanut butter and jelly got old and didn’t taste as good as it used to.
Ok…. enough analogies. But I know you know what I mean.
This is hard for me to share. But I’m sure that I’m not the only one who has felt like this, so here it goes… I have a good life and an ok marriage, however I want more than good and ok. I was made for more and am worth more. And so are you.
When I first brought up wanting to go to UPW and asked Chris if he would go with me I knew he’d say no and he did. (See, I’m always right… haha.) This was over a year ago. I was so sad because I was fearful that although we are both committed to our relationship and our children, over time, little things would add up to big things and we would go down a path that wouldn’t have us together. (Btw – Did you know that the number 1 divorce rate is of couples who have been married 20-25 years? Yup, after the kids are raised and out of the house, they don’t know who each other are anymore because work life and kid life consumed them and they always pushed aside their needs alone and together that they end up going their separate ways.) That terrified me. I didn’t want to be a part of that statistic.
We’ve been together 14 years, married 8, have 3 businesses, 4 kids and a dog. We really don’t even know who WE are ourselves anymore let alone together. The past 3 years, I’ve been working hard to take my life back after a major career and life change left me feeling like I was just a pawn in the really big chess game of life. Which I’m proud of but in truth, that put a divide between Chris and I. He was tired of the rat race and settling in life and I was doing the opposite, rejecting that mentality and intentionally making choices and taking actions that would create more of what I wanted in my life.
Did you know I was a former professional 300 mph race car driver? Cool Right? It was. Thank you. I used that platform to inspire others to stand up, make choices and take actions that would help them turn their dreams into reality just like I had. It was freaking awesome on every level. But when I retired from that arena to become a wife and mom, a little piece of my soul died. I felt my purpose in life was always meant to be more than a loving part time working/stay at home wife and mom. But I had thought my identity as a race car driver was my only tool to inspire others to create their best life. It took me a long time to see my blessings and that opportunity comes in many forms. I had to stop looking for the bad and start looking for all the good. Once I embraced this new life of more, I realized that the old Jessie didn’t have to die to make room for the new one. Dreams can evolve and now more than ever, I felt I needed to help others see infinite possibility instead of limits no matter their circumstances.
This is when I became a certified life coach, wrote and published a book, The RUSH Revolution, Revving Up Self-Happiness Through the Power of Intentional Living (yes, you can get it on Amazon… I’d be tickled if you did.), and started designing my life of abundance. (Abundance – that’s such an overused word right now, but there’s no better explanation.) This is also where my husband and I got on different trains. You see, my past miserableness had added to his and although he once was a trail blazing pioneer in the better life industry, he was tired and just started to take a permanent residence at hotel “Who gives a Fuk”. (Yes, I know I spelled that wrong on purpose and I know you’re appalled that I said that word but words have power and I need you to understand the severity of my life status. Also – sorry mom!) Without going into detail, he’s had his fair share of crap in his life (we all have) and he felt like everything was happening to him. He focused on the negative because it was easier to make excuses, place blame and just shut off. Remember, I’m not slamming him… I know this because I lived there too for a time. You might know what I’m talking about too. Own it, because that’s the first step in taking back your life.
Ok, so I had asked Chris to go to UPW two previous times and when he said no, I felt so defeated. It definitely took the wind out of my hopeful sails but I was going to go on my own anyway. However interestingly enough, things held me back from going each time. The first time, I was on a modified bed rest 7 months pregnant with Lola and couldn’t travel. And the second time, we had a crazy amount of deaths and health scares in my family that I just didn’t feel I could leave. But this time, I was going no matter what, with or without Chris and he was cool with that. He was supportive and said, “have a good time.”
A-hole. (Yup, that’s honestly what I thought) How could he not want to find a way out of the fog we were in as much as me? He was saying he did but he wasn’t taking the actions necessary to create that change we both desired. I was so bummed. Hope is not a strategy. Dreams only become reality when you take action. He wasn’t taking action and I was. I couldn’t do this alone. But I knew I needed this, my marriage needed this, my kids needed this, my clients needed this. So if he wouldn’t do it with me, I’d do it myself and pray he would be inspired by what I shared. I made plans to make the long trek from NY to CA and leave my husband and 4 kids (including my 6 month old) for a week. Holy moly, anxiety attack. But it was the first step in me getting off the sidelines of my life. I was now in the passenger seat of life and it felt like a step in the right direction.
I know what you’re thinking… “But Jessie, you’re a life coach, why was this such a big deal?” And to that I say, the best coaches have coaches. Honest, even Tony Robbins has people he looks to for mentorship and advice. Plus, don’t we all want the magic fix? I was hoping that this is exactly what UPW would do – put me back in the drivers seat.
Are you still with me? It’s about to get “HOT IN HERE (so take off all your clothes….)” Haha… not really but that Nelly lyric got your attention. (wink-wink) But seriously, if you haven’t enjoyed what you’ve read so far or if you don’t feel like you can relate in some way, then just stop reading. But if you trust me and want to believe that what I’m about to share has the power to change your life for the better in more ways than you can imagine, it will be the first step in your new life. Aren’t you excited?
Ok… I’m glad you’re still here. Thanks for trusting me to share this with you. I feel honored.
Oh and guess what? Out of the blue, my husband said he would go with me to UPW. Yup, I know, I couldn’t believe it either but I am a smart woman and didn’t ask what changed. I actually didn’t say anything at all other than “Ok, cool” and just smiled the biggest grin I’ve ever had (almost) and booked his flight immediately. We never spoke about it again till the day before we left and he asked when our flight was. Haha. Typical man.
Funny side note – I don’t keep quiet much. I know you couldn’t tell. (obviously, a joke. Haha) I am one with too many words most of the time except for when I’m shocked. Like when Chris asked me to marry him, I was so excited and surprised, I believe my words to him (once I figured out what was happening) were, “Shut up, no way, shut up”. Or like when I became the winningest driver in Jet Dragster history – no words, just tears. (BTW – I proudly still hold that title 11 years later. Yes, I’m proud. I’m learning to celebrate all my wins in life more. That is something I rarely do.) Anyway, it’s ironic my loss for words since my whole career I’ve made a living using lots of words as a motivational speaker and now here on my blog.
For the first time, I didn’t care I was doing it all alone. Usually I complain how I never have help, blah blah blah. I mean come on sister, you know exactly what I’m talking about. But this man (the love of my life) was going against his internal habit of settling for less, stepping up and demanding more. Maybe he didn’t see it that way, but I did. Eeeekkk! I was so excited for him and us. We were about to embark on a path that had potential to elevate our lives to one bigger and better than either of us could imagine.
Can you feel my excitement?
Not yet? Seriously? Ok…. Well, buckle up because this is where you’re either going to “get it” or check out as fast as you can because you think I’m crazy. Let me also start by telling you, the first time I heard this, I definitely thought it was pretty hokey too. But when you’re at your proverbial bottom, you’ll try anything to get out of that hole.
We arrived to CA (with 12,000 other people) ready to transform our lives but still not quite sure what we got ourselves into. Hundreds of thousands of people have gone to this event before us and have come out raving fans, even big celebrity names YET we were still a little skeptical until…
Cue the loud music and anticipation….
Mr. Robbins took the stage to DJ Snake and Lil Jon’s, ‘Turn Down for What’ and it was ELECTRIC. No, seriously!!!! Like jump up and down, pee your pants kind of awesome. (Obviously, Tony doesn’t understand what happens to your bladder after carrying 4 babies – OMG – but it didn’t stop me). I was flooded with so much emotion (not pee, I know you were thinking it) – in that moment, I knew that this was the beginning of the rest of my life I’d been praying for.
Tony launched into 12 hours of non-stop talk – telling stories, using metaphors and analogies to drive home his point that we all have the power to turn fear into power and dreams into reality. Obviously, he’s my soul brother. Talk talk talk…. And I loved every minute that I skipped two pumping sessions (I’m still nursing Lola and I didn’t want to miss a thing that I didn’t pump for 12 hours straight and no joke – my boobs almost popped… haha.) Oh and then at the end, we walked on fire (like the blood brothers and spit sisters that we are. Remember that from when we were kids?) to seal the deal that we do truly have the power to use our mind to overcome anything. Yeah… NO BIG DEAL at all… Just walked across 2,000 degree hot coals with our bare feet like a BOSS. No, like the KINGS and QUEENS that we are! I didn’t think I’d do that before I went and there was no doubt in my mind once I was there, that not only was I doing it… I was going to OWN THAT FIRE!
The next 3 days we learned about core needs, values and beliefs, passions, energy, the necessities of life, the power of the human body, how to break old limiting patterns and created new empowering habits, how to master our emotions and elicit strategy and the secret to lasting change. It was a lot of heavy content. Content that when analyzed, caused me pain to admit. Content that helped me rewrite my internal blueprint.
From the outside looking in, others might think this whole event is cultish. I know. I told you, I too was skeptical. One day we went 17 hours straight with barely enough time to use the restroom or eat a snack. It’s a lot of loud music, high-fiving, hugging, responses, visualization, jumping, dancing, singing and even some crying and screaming. There’s the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. There’s tons of internal evaluation and partner exercises. It’s A LOT… a lot to take in, in such a short amount of time. But the truth is, the total immersion is a valuable prong on the key that has the power to open the door to the new you and making the impossible, possible.
Think about it – when you love something, do you dabble at it or do you go all in and eat, sleep and breath it? And when you aren’t really into something or afraid, do you learn everything you can about it or do you run away from it?
It’s time we stop running away from things that we want but are too hard or we fear. Treat it like your passions and stare it right in the face, learn every thing you can about it so you can stand up to it and claim control over it.
By the way, the most successful people in the world aren’t fearless. They are courageous. They feel the fear and do it anyway. They don’t stop when they’re tired, sore or scared. They don’t make excuses why they can’t, they seek reasons why they can. Because what you look for, you will find.
OK, let me break it down for you…
As a life coach myself, I know and practice a lot of the systems Tony teaches. However, I wasn’t all in on my own. Which is odd, because I honestly became a life coach to keep myself accountable to my own goals. But even that wasn’t enough to keep my gremlins away.
I still believe at times my old stories that no one loves me, I am not good enough and my successes in the past were just luck. Honestly, those thoughts will probably never go away, I’m human and I have ingrained these limiting beliefs into my core for years. Logically, I know they aren’t true but I have still allowed them to keep me from more that I dream of in life and business.
UPW teaches you to break your pattern by teaching you how to use your focus, physiology and language to get into a high energy state where change is created. The change needed to overcome those limiting beliefs and fears that hold you back.
I could go on and on but there would be no way I can do it justice. It is truly all it is hyped up to be and more.
I credit this experience as the catalyst to saving my life, my marriage, my parenting, my business and so much more. And although Tony Robbins and his technique is amazing, what I want you to know is… Tony Robbins and UPW aren’t magic. Tony didn’t change my life… I DID! I AM changing my life for the better using the systems he teaches at UPW! From that first UPW day, I took a vow to myself – I will set a new standard, step up, believe, lead, and create all I dream of and more because I alone am the answer. And most importantly, I will never stop being the change I wish to see in the world.
Nothing else in my life has changed. I still have the same disappointments, the same negative people, the same struggles, the same failures – BUT I no longer have the same beliefs or the same reactions. I now OWN it. I dont’ place blame.
And yes, I know what you’re thinking… THAT IS FREAKING HARD! You bet it is! But it feels like the hard has flip flopped. Before it was easy to do nothing, place blame, make excuses and whine but it was hard to feel the way all THAT made me feel. Now it’s hard to stand up to my own BS and demand a different out come but it’s easier to feel so good after. It takes daily (sometimes hourly) work to get myself in the right state to live this different life. But I know that overtime all these changes will compound and add up and it will get easier and easier until it becomes my new habit, way of life and story.
I’d rather live 6 months or a year of “hard” to live a lifetime of “easier” with more happiness than the rest of my life feeling stuck and sorry for myself with regret.
Not everyone is like me, I know that. But everyone has the potential to be like me. I’m not different. I’m extraordinary because I demand it and you can be too if you just do the work.
And in case you’re wondering, my husband had an even bigger transformation. He went into this event with an open mind, committed and seeking change. He participated 100% and he believes we were meant to be there. Now I don’t care what higher power you believe in but I promise you, this is out of character for my husband to speak like. And he’s right, we WERE led there!
Yes, we drank the Tony Robbins and UPW “kool-aid” and we’ve never been more thirsty for more in our lives.
I’m no longer a spectator watching my life pass me by… I’m the driver, the car and the engineer that designs the roads.
I’m a better me, a better wife, a better mom, a better employer, a better coach, a better human in this world, I am anything I decide to be!
So what’s it gonna be for you?
WATCH OUT WORLD – Jessie and Chris are coming for ya!